Today I want to introduce you to Hope Clark. She is a talented writer, who has written about learning disabilities and has written a couple of articles for some local newspapers. Plus there are plenty of articles written about her. These articles can be found archived at the National Library in Ottawa.
Since her brain injury she wrote few pieces as part of her therapy. However, she has now decided to share them publicly and hopes (no pun intended) that they will help others.
“I am from SW Ontario, Canada. My past like is filled with Management positions, Event Planning, Fundraising and Marketing with a side of Communications. Writing for me is something I find very cathartic. I acquired my TBI in March of 2018 and have been trying to reinvent myself ever since. I am not sure what I am going to do when I grow up, but if I can help someone with my writing then I feel I have done my job.” – Hope Clark aka HM Lemon
This is an extract of one of her articles. You can read the full version of My new normal which she has published on Facebook here.
As the thick veil of trauma has slowly been dissolving over the past year, nine months, 5 days (you get the gist) my life has been interesting to say the least. I have been the most alone I have ever been even though, unlike before, I have a loving husband and two beautiful children. Don’t get me wrong, I have been treated with great empathy, compassion and caring.
My road to recovery has been met with other trauma victims, doctor’s, specialists, treatment providers: I am never alone, yet, I am the most alone I have ever been.
Living with a traumatic brain injury and trauma really does lend itself to the saying, ‘if you have never experienced it, you just won’t understand.’ You try to be like your old self, or your normal and no matter what happens…something you’ve never experienced before rears its ugly head. It is true what they say, ‘Don’t take things for granted because you never know what could happen”, is taken to the extreme!
You try to be like your old self, or your normal and no matter what happens...something you’ve never experienced before rears its ugly head.
It is true what they say, ‘Don’t take things for granted because you never know what could happen”, is taken to the extreme!
‘We can go our whole lives living a certain way and one little bonk to the brain and yep, you have to relearn your whole way of life and living.’ Crazy enough it made me feel a bit better. I understood what people were trying to tell me about my ‘New Normal.’
Living with a TBI, (traumatic brain injury) is your brain telling you that you just can’t!
What does that mean exactly? When my level of tolerance has been met my brain begins to feel like it’s on fire. You are most likely saying once again, what does that mean? Well, it’s like when you begin to get the flu and your head feels like you’re starting get a fever, that is what my head feels like – yet, without the flu. I begin to get foggy. My concentration levels start to fade. My ability to understand let alone comprehend what the person I am with is saying it to is slim to none and I am unable to make eye contact with whom I am with because my brain is too busy trying to keep up. Oh yes, comprehension has left the building everyone and thank gawd for spell check. This coming from the woman who has been published, interviewed for television, print and radio more times than I can count. On Mother’s Day 2019, I dropped to the floor in front of my family. Out cold I was, and an ambulance had to be called. I spent the day in the ER. Just before I was released the doctor came and tried to explain what was going on. We had a conversation and when she walked away, my mom said – honey, you did NOT understand a word she was saying. I was mortified. This isn’t the only time this has happened, and I was oddly humbled by the experience. The great news is that my memory is completely shot so the likelihood of me remembering these highly embarrassing moments are unlikely.
Memory: I did have one almost 2 years ago. I had a great memory and my jobs reflected by ability to hold large amounts of information. Now, I forget to turn off the stove or close the fridge. I lose my thought(s) in mid-sentence, knowing there was something there and at the same time not having a clue what I was saying, doing, or what the topic was. Grabbing and putting the wrong lid on something is day after day. I forget my children’s names. In my defence, it is mostly when I am upset of my tolerance levels have been met and asking them to go brush their teeth or get ready for bed. My daughter just looks at me as says, ‘Mom, why are you telling me to go to the kitchen!? Don’t you want me to go to the bathroom, cause we’re already in the kitchen?’ My response, ‘Om-goodness, you understood what I am trying to say so please just go,’ Lol.
Honestly, looking at your brain injury with a positive outlook is the only way to be. The truth is that you can not control the future, only your present. You have no idea when and if you will be 100% and that is okay. It is okay because you can begin to reinvent yourself and how many people really get the chance to do that? Every step forward is a victory. Each and every day you can manage the pain, headaches and nausea is a bonus! You just push forward with whatever you have left. Be thankful for every moment you get to spend with your children and jump for joy that they were not in the car with you. And, even though you miss experiences and moments with your children – you get to be there with them in the small moments: putting them to bed, helping them brush their teeth, making dinner because all moments and experiences are important. You cherish and laugh out loud when your 6-yr old tells you to piss off; and, when your 8-yr-old daughter wants to just sit and cuddle with you for hours. And, this is where I leave you 1 year, 9 months, 15 days,…for now.
