Yes the title image is a brain scan of this week’s guest writer, Jo Wood. It’s terrifying, and Jo wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to show it. But for us it’s just an image to demonstrate the severity of her brain tumour. For her, it’s reality so she’s the one who is having to be brave enough to share it with us. So whilst it’s shocking it depicts her message perfectly; “Brain injury. This is me, no apology.”
June 2016 my life changed, with the words “you’ve had a seizure, that’s why you can’t speak, we have found a large mass on your brain. You need emergency surgery.”
Wow, I was 45 and loved my job as a communicator for the deaf. I lived fast, enjoyed life, finally I felt confident in myself, this was me. Brain injury changes everything. I am different, bruised, scared, I look different, speak differently, socialise differently in fact everything is paced, managed and calculated so I can cope with this bruised and injured brain.
2 years on, surely is long enough, to be back to the old Joanne? No, I am told that can be early in recovery for some. Yes, I’ve made progress from the girl who woke from surgery with 40 stitches in her head, struggling to speak, frightened, racing thoughts, ruled by panic attacks and anxiety. Well let’s face it, how can you ever return to the old you? Just the experience of a brain injury, the vulnerability it brings makes you look at life differently. So now this is me? In some ways I hope not, I want more, I still hope I continue to recover and evolve, we do still have a place and a purpose in this world, right?
I recently saw the film The Greatest Showman, there’s a bearded lady in it that sings a song ‘This is me’. The film is a great if you like musicals and your brain can cope with it, the story is about people who have been discarded, made to feel that they don’t have a place in this world, as they are different, they don’t fit in. I have felt like this since my brain injury, I am dissatisfied with me, I think that I no longer fit in, there’s no place for me. Do you ever feel like this?
IT’S A LIE! You may be bruised, scared, different, this is you, who you are meant to be for this time. Maybe you will still continue to recover and evolve and even if you don’t, well ‘This is Me’ ‘No Apology ‘.
You do have a place in this world, you do fit, you count. It’s not easy this self acceptance, I have a brain injury, this is me. I will no longer apologise for being me. I need to put my energy into making the most of what I am now, I do belong, like you, wherever you are on this brain injury journey. At the beginning or as far as you can go, don’t apologise, be proud of how far you’ve come.
Brain Injury, This is me, no apology.
Jo Wood
