I have talked before in Support carers about how important family of brain injury survivors are. Their attitude and approach can make a huge difference. So for the first time I have invited a husband & carer to give his valuable input. I introduce to you Rich Parry-Jones:
Always look for the positives, however small they may be.
After 2 weeks we finally got her home. This was way ahead of the time you would expect for someone suffering from her brain injury. The following weeks were probably the toughest. Pauline has a huge amount of friends and although the majority meant well, it was very hard keeping them away. I’d started back at work, and keeping an eye on our business (a hairdressing salon). Plus, as well as the day to day family stuff and we always had visitors. There was no down time, no time for us to be alone.
After the initial two week onslaught of constant visitors, it was as if someone had flipped a switch. Only family and a few close friends kept in touch with Pauline and she was left very lonely. People you’d expect to be there for her weren’t and people you wouldn’t expect were. It was definitely an eye opener.
I knew as she got stronger and more confident this would ease, such as once she was able to get out in the car etc. However one of the major issues with a brain trauma is anxiety and Pauline was suffering terribly. I’d try to find time to get her out of the house but it was hard with all of the other commitments. Things were strained but I knew what we’d already been through and this couldn’t be as bad as that .
I knew the stronger she got, the easier things would become. They have over time become easier. Pauline has got stronger and although there is still a long way to go regarding her recovery we’re along way from the times where she would be crying uncontrollably and I wouldn’t be able to say or do anything right . I knew she didn’t want to feel this way and she’d do anything to feel normal again. I always had it in my head however hard things were, that this is the same person I married, who I love so much and things will be better . Maybe not the same, maybe better. But when we’ve got each other, we can get through anything and that’s all that matters .
I think you’ll agree that Rich is a wonderful husband & carer to Pauline. Together they are a team, and draw strength from each other. If you’re ever in Ellesmere, Shropshire please book an appointment at their salon JS Hair. They have a passionate, and dedicated team. Pauline herself previously worked along side Trevor Sorbie MBE, 4 times winner of British Hairdresser of the year. Check them out on their Facebook page.
3 replies on “Guest post: Rich Parry-Jones, brain injury survivors husband & carer.”
Hello Rich,
I love your post about Pauline and the way you’ve worked through this first year together. I am sure her progress is because you’ve made her feel safe. You need to feel accepted, safe and reassured when your anxiety is high.
My husband Paul has been a great support to me, he continues to encourage me and tell me how far I’ve come in the last 2 years, your right about looking at the positives. Brain injury is hard, I too have felt very lonely, friends have disappeared and some family have been so disappointing.
The support you are giving Pauline is massive and is a great example to your daughter too.
I salute you Rich! I know us brain injury warriors can be up and down at times, it’s so frustrating and exhausting, a loving partner, who is willing to do the hard times as well as the good brings security and endless possibilities.
Best wishes to you and a Pauline for the future.
Jo
P.s I am going to go tell my wonderful hubby how great he is now too!
Hi Jo . I’m glad you like the post . We’ve both found it so reassuring and helpful hearing other people’s experiences and I just wanted to try and give a little back . It is hard at times, as you know but the good times far outweigh the bad . You both sound amazing and we both wish you all the very best . Take care
Rich
Dear Rich,
I enjoyed reading your story and wish you both all the best. I am just over a year in on my brain injury and I understand your partnership. My husband and I have been married just four years this fall. He is my support and cheerleader. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I am not the person he married and many of the things we enjoyed seem out of my reach right now. He helps with my self confidence and is very patient when I try to overcome challenges. We have gotten closer and appreciate what we have even more now.