I know, you don’t have to tell me… It’s a real challenge for most people to resist distractions, let alone when a brain injury has truncated your concentration span. But it’s still worth reminding ourselves that we need to continuously work on developing good habits, because if we focus on the wrong things, it can have a detrimental impact of our health.
The "professional" troll.
As human beings, we will naturally gravitate to some people and not to others. We are individuals and I personally value the different ways people can have an affect on our personal journeys. Often we learn something through our experiences with people without them having that intention, or us particularly realising it.
Recently I had an encounter with a “Certified Clinical Trauma Professional” who has a PhD and is a Business coach AND a TBI coach at the same time. (Not sure why you would choose to coach businesses and brain injury survivors. Unless you believe brain injury survivors can run their own business of course…. but I’m not sure this person’s mindset allows for that possibility as I will explain.) However, I have no interest in defaming this individual. As I have already said, individuals are drawn to different people, so I’m sure she has added value to others lives and I hope she continues to do so. So for the purposes of this I will refer to her as Ester, which is not her real name.
"Thanks for branding me."
I wrote before in You’re an expert on brain injury? Well I’m the expert on mine. how some people who have “qualifications” just don’t get it. Reading about it in a text book is not the same as walking in a brain injury survivors shoes. But the bit that I found the most upsetting, was that this person had ASSUMED that everything I’m doing must be wrong because it don’t have a PhD. And without looking at any actual EVIDENCE she resorted to threats, that unless I stop, she’ll make me.
Well, sadly, I think that small minded attitude is the sort of thing many brain injury survivors have come up against. But don’t worry, I am not going to let Ester win. She’s no longer in my group, and she can carry on doing what’s she’s doing, and I will continue to serve you all in exactly the same way I always have. With authentic honesty.
Ester, you're extremely detrimental to my health - FACT.
This encounter went on for days, messages back and forth. I was trying to offer her the opportunity to really see what I do, but she was just getting more angry and aggressive. By the time I reminded myself “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” the stress got to me. This behaviour was nothing short of bullying. For several days I was writhing around in pain where my guts were doing their best to abandon ship. I had to take some time out from everything to give my brain and body the chance to recover from her onslaught.
I suspect that the real reason Ester started this is because she spent years and thousands of dollars on her studies, only to find that someone like me is making a bigger impact than her. Well Ester, don’t be jealous of me. I would rather swap my brain injury for the time, effort and money you have had to invest. But I didn’t have a choice like you. I’m putting understanding to use, just like you are. Unfortunately there are so many people affected by brain injury everyday, that there still isn’t enough people trying to support them. Let’s not tear each other down, let’s just serve our people.
That’s my cautionary tale about the importance of focus when living with a brain injury. I found myself focusing on the wrong thing and I paid the price. We all have negative experiences happen in our lives, just learn from them, don’t focus on them.
Other articles you may like:
- Master the act of ditching the hurtful but inconsequential things. Battle of brain injury survivor.
- Online support for brain injury survivors and caregivers.
- Guest post: Jackie Palmer on maintaining goals with a brain injury.
- The unpredictable life of a brain injury survivor.
- Listen to what your body needs after a brain injury.
2 replies on “The importance of focus when living with a brain injury”
Wow ?, I am gobbsmacked that ‘Ester’ can dismiss and criticise you like that. Gosh your brain injury experience and how you have championed so many on, including me, well you cannot put a value on that. As you say you don’t claim to be an expert, but you are on your own brain injury. You have ALWAYS been clear about that, and share wisdom from this place. I hate that this person has had a detrimental effect on you, life is hard enough to keep going with a brain injury, never mind bullying and pulling you apart. Michelle have no doubt, you are serving us well, your wisdom and reassurance so helps. We know you don’t have all the answers and never have proclaimed to have, but what you do have is perspective and are authentic. Stand tall girl, you’ve got this. Her reaction says lots about her insecurities and not you. You don’t have to justify yourself, you are living the reality of a brain injury, and look how far you’ve come. Turning your life around and inspiring others, and for that I am very thankful!
Thanks Jo, yes I agree her reaction says more about her than it does about me. I would be genuinely devastated if I believed I was harming survivors. But I’m certain that if I was, you guys would tell me. Instead all I hear from you is positive feedback for which I’m truly grateful ?